plot twist

Staring at my chocolate indulgence cake and thinking about my Emak who is going back home tomorrow. Hmm.. I don’t want her to go back! Stay here with me please. Almost a week with my Emak here with her sister, without their husband. Duhhh.. they have to attend my cousin’s wedding in Shah Alam. Emak, don’t leave me. I want to stay with you everyday.

She told me before “You’re about to get married soon, don’t you feel sad?” and I was like why do I have to be sad? But I don’t answered her like that. Never thought it will be this hard to step into new life. Hmm.. I bet I will cry out loud on my solemnization day. Haha

On Friday’s night, I went to Shah Alam for family gathering. My Emak’s side which I never been closed with. Everything changed! Ohhh.. am I in someone’s plot twist of life? Like in a movie you can see a nerdy become so beautiful, that’s one of an example how I felt that night. But it’s not about me but about my Emak’s family. Everyone has changed! Whoaaa.. What I mean is they become someone whom I didn’t expect them to be.

We can’t predict on someone’s future because someday it’ll be twisted. Ohh.. hard for me to explain. No one can label themself as a good person, only others can tell if they are good or not. Not because of the judgment but the reality. You can say all people does is judging but some is the truth. Judgment but the truth which we basically avoid to accept it. Some people proudly felt they are good enough but forgot about their lacks.

I hate it when people act like an angel but the reality they are evil than devil. Eee.. their heart are cruel than devil. Cruel but they tend to be 24/7 good like no one else is better than them. May Allah bless your life. I am not even a good person but what I do is mind my own business and be happy with my life. The moment you proudly compare your good life with someone who has worse, Allah will pay it back to you.

Don’t forget to look back at your lackness before you start to be proud with your goodness. Bye, need to take some picture at Guess shop. Baby wants one for her.




I felt heartache when I wanted to sell my duckscarf but my sisters scolded me. I bet they might think I’m broke and desperate. Duhhh.. I just want a new duckscarf and let go my current scarf. I let those scarves in boxes on the shelf and they started to extinct from me slowly. Same goes with my handbags, I left them below my make up desk and started their extinction from last year. I have no idea why did I bought them and ohhh all of my sandals I bought from bargain sale. I’m just wearing fews of them daily and the rest just quietly stay on the shoes rack. Duhh.. why Zizi, why? You don’t need them, told you it’s just a part of my wants. My fiancé knows me better, he said I will not used those scarf in future. Yuppp!

Ohh, new iPhone already launched and I give zero f*ck about it. Currently, I have a new interest, I need fujifilm camera! But! My parents ignored my wants. I stopped my interest in iPhone just to buy a camera which has better features than iPhone’s. Hmmm… can do nothing but to just wait for a miracle. Since I already got my wedding gift from my parents (yup, 3 months earlier from my wedding day). So, there’s nothing left for me to hope those fujifilm be mine. Will never be mine.

Aaaaa.. please, Zizi! Things like that is just temporary in this life. What left is our memories and deeds. No one will remember what you have or do. Let’s just focus on real life, no more hoping that your parent will grant your wish. You’re an adult now soon to be a wife. Hmm… dear Emak and Bapak, I still need you guys in my life. *weeping* I think I’m still not ready to be a wife. I’m scare of this real life. Oh Allah, I hope everything will be smooth and just fine. I leave the rest to You now.

in between

If every single person who is getting married feels like I feel, I bet they must cry a lot even in silence. Hmm.. pre-marital syndrome is hard to resist. Some prefer to hide and some will show it in their own ways.

I’m on a phase I don’t want to leave my beloved family and I want to be with my fiancé. Duhhh.. why this is happening? Haha ok enough, I don’t want to nag tonight. Ok move on, now I am laying next to my clingy brother Rifqi Darmish (6 years old in case you’re curious) who has been sleeping with me since the day I came home last week. Yesterday was our Sibling Day out, our parents check in at Merdeka Palace Hotel for their honeymoon. Naahhh.. not honeymoon, they just want to spend their own time and need some space. Typically, Rifqi will choose to be with me instead with my parents. I bet he’s confused that I am his mother. In the cinema hall, few minutes left for the movie to end Rifqi decided to cry because he wanted to pee. I asked him to hold it but he can’t then I (with my curiousity for the ending) left the hall and went to the toilet. He put a big smile and I try not to scold him and went back to the hall but the movie has ended. Hmm.. just patiently asked my other siblings about the ending of the movie. Aaaa Rifqi, why Rifqi?

Nevermind, I’ve learnt to control my emotion on how to handle children for future use. Hmm.. no matter what, I still love you so much Rifqi Darmish. Aaaa.. I don’t want to go back to Kuala Lumpur but I miss my fiancé. Can we just stay in Kuching after we got married, Sayang? Stuck in between to live with my family and fiancé until the end of my life. I choose both! Weep!

sleep late


This hashtag is soon to be used and I am  getting so stress day by day. Aaahhhhh…. trying to act cool but I can’t! Oh my, oh my! 17 days left to count 100 days from the day of mz wedding. Like seriously? Is this a dream or what?

Promise not to blog about my wedding but tonight can be accepted. Need to confess in this blog as my reminisce in future. Hmm.. I sigh and think too much, like every single part of the upcoming event can stress me out. Duhh.. it’s just a small matter but I just don’t want to regret it in the future.

Last month I was so stressed about my wedding dais now I am worrying about photographer. There’s one photographer whom I was about to book him but he advised me “you need to get familiar with your photographer’s background first.” I want to thank him for the advise because I thought any photographer can take a great picture but the moment I scroll their instagram’s account, oh my it’s true that I need to get familiar with their background first. Not all photographer is good enough to capture the moment and ohh since I am a VSCO user for ages, yuppp some photographer lacks in editing. Some edit too much contrast, some even edit less saturation and etc. Which photographer should I hire? Hmm.. how can this thing can make someone so stress?

Duhhh.. another month to sleep late at night and think about my wedding preparation. It’s 2.28 am and I still couln’t sleep. Hmm… nervous breakdown!

E meet F

Never have I ever been in my bestfriend’s wedding since I finished my high school. Like an actual wedding of whom I called a bestfriend. This month, my bestfriend tied the knot on 26th August 2017. We’ve been friend since secondary high school when we’re 15 and still young enough to talk about lovey dovey. Yeahh.. we had boyfriend in secondary high school and talked about them. Dear future son and daughter of mine, you better study hard in your school and do not talk about love. Ok? You’re too young and just cherish your moment as teenagers not to worry about breakup.

Last Saturday, I took first flight from Kuala Lumpur to Kuching and directly went to solemnization between Fiffy and Ee but failed to make it in time. I regret myself not applied my leave from Friday which I missed Fiffy’s henna night. Nevermind, things happen for a reason and I could not do anything but to go with a flow. The moment I arrived at her home, I still could not believe that she’s a married woman now. Mrs not a Ms anymore. Hmm.. so that’s how it feels when your bestfriend is getting married. You still can’t accept the fact that she’s married. I thought they’re just playing on the dais. Haha

Then, on Wednesday we went to her reception at Kuching Park Hotel. Still. Could. Not. Believe. That. She. Is. Married. Hmmm.. still the same Fiffy just with a husband now. Ohh.. she’s the first one to tied the knot among us. And next to be followed by? Tadaaaa.. just wait!

Lucky that we managed to gather a complete us on Fiffy’s big day even I missed it. But also can lah since it’s so hard to make it a complete six. Hmm.. We’re an adult now, I thought we’re still teenagers.

Anyway, congratulation to Fiffy and Ee for your wedding. Hope you’ll have your own mini version in a near future and may Allah bless your marriage. When E meet F, his first love whom now has became his last one. Ahhh so sweet!

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Before I forgot to post and August about to end which I have not post anything this month, so let’s start! I met my long lost sister (baby’s best friend) last few weeks and she stayed with me for almost a week. Her planned was to stay with me until I get married but Allah has a better plan for her. She changed her job within a month, from assistant manager at restaurant to senior officer at bank and the government of Sarawak offered her a job. That’s mean she has to go home as soon as she got the offer letter. Whoaaa.. job hopping within a month!

She asked if I were her what should I do? Of course I will stay here at Kuala Lumpur but it really was a hard decision. So, I asked her to decide without pleasing anybody. Be herself. It’s her life so no one can decide what should she does. And she choose government which it’s a great decision since she’s the oldest in her family. The burden is on her and it’s remind me on my Abang. Thank you Abang for everything you have done to our family! Loveyou!

A week with Maymon makes me feel ‘you think you know people, then they surprise you’. I have not seen her for the past few years and now we talk so much about our lives. Guess what? I never knew she was named Maymon because her Nenek used to called her Doraemon. I thought all these year it was Maimunah. Hahahahahaha! Her real name not even sound like Maymon.

On her last night in Kuala Lumpur I brought her to Bukit Bintang because she never been there. It’s my favourite spot! Hahaha because duck store was there! Nahhh.. can’t wait for Klduck to launch. Ohhh.. bye! Hehehehe will talk about duckscarve in other post later once I have the Klduck on my hands! Woot woottt

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Goodluck, Maymon in your future! If you ever read this, you’re a good daughter who can be a good wife and mother in future. Wish you all the best!

social media addicted

I should sleep at 11 pm after this since yesterday has been an exhausted day for me. Fuhh.. Spent my 17 hours at Ipoh, Perak and now I am here in my room sigh-ing tomorrow I got to work. I miss to spend my weekend with movie marathon and sleep. Last week fly to Kuching and this week trip to Perak with my fiancé (family matter purpose) which supposed to be a day but overnight at his aunt’s house. Unplanned! Hmm.. in future we need to go back to Perak for good ok, Sayang? I haven’t see Kelly castle, water theme park date at Lost world of Tambun and try white coffee at different Kopitiam. Nahh.. not to far from Kuala Lumpur, can lah next time.

At Udak’s house (my fiancé’s aunt) I just realized that I brought my handphone with me since I arrived Ipoh. I must admit it was for me not to feel awkward in front of his family. I am still got nervous breakdown everytime I meet his family. Even though they are very friendly and easy to get along but nahhh maybe I am not his official wife yet that’s why I still need times to figure this out. Since I have my handphone with me and I tend to upload everything on my Instagram story. It’s not my fault! I am not addict to social media. Noooo! Hmm.. I do know I can have a good/better/best day of my life without uploading it to social media. I can live without Facebook for 5 years and Twitter for 3 years, I think I can do this with Instagram. In my dream! How not to expose my personal life into Instagram like I really need my followers to know what am I doing today and how do I feel. It’s just too wrong! Exposing too much about our life can be depressing! People will judge your life only based on your Instagram picture and that’s not good! But what to do, people can keep their judgment and we can do nothing about it but to live our life as usual. Life must go on!

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That’s my fiancé smoking and scrolling his phone while I sat in the car staring at my phone. The battery is dead and still I can live my life even though I need to scroll my Instagram feed or watching how many people already viewed my story. Sick but I can do this! Only show when you want to show but not everything ok, Zizi? Good!

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The only places in Ipoh I visited last night. Duhhh.. ohh, it’s 11.12 pm! I need to sleep now or else I will regret it tomorrow morning. Night and sleep tight!


“I’m thinking on how to go back.”
“Go back? Ohh.. can you cancel your overtime?”
“Go back to Kuching not home.”
“When do you want to?”

I just really can’t hear the word ‘Kuching’, like I really want to be there everyday but I have my own life here in Kuala Lumpur. My fiancé haven’t go back Kuching this Eid and I persuade him to go back today! Whoaaa.. since this isn’t a black out period we can book tickets through his id travel and the right time to persuade him. After few hours, I try to persuade him and finally he agree and directly book our tickets.

But! My fiancé already in Kuching right at this moment and me sitting here in KLIA staring at my KFC fried chicken weeping on the inside. I missed my flight and rebook until tomorrow morning. Now I am alone, super hungry, exhausted and I forgot my earphone. Eeee! How can I forgot it? The use of earphone during overnight at the airport is very important! Hmmm…

Here are some tips when you overnight at the airport: 1. Find your own spot where you can sleep or just be comfortable with yourself (some prefer to stay at the Surau) 2. Make sure you are aware with your belongings! Don’t be careless. 3. As for me, I’ll find plug to charge my phone. Don’t worry you can find it everywhere just go wander around the airport. 4. Make sure you inform your family or friends just in case anything happen. 5. Do whatever you want. Bye

This is my second time overnight at the airport but the first time at KLIA. If you overnight at KLIA 2, there will be lots of shop so you can waste your time but their shop will be closed at midnight. Not open for 24 hours as per my experience lah. Here at KLIA, I don’t know what am I going to do tonight. Let’s just watch movie on iflix in mute because I don’t bring my earphone! Hmmm…


My blanket is from @theduckgroup , just kidding they haven’t launch any duck blanket yet. It’s my shawl the only thing I can cover myself to sleep. Ok night!

skinflint 3

This month is a very challenging month as last week Muslim celebrated Eid and I gave all out escpecially money. So, it’s not the right time for me to shop. But, Jelly Bunny store is excluded from my shopping rehab. Hahaha like how can you not buy goods with 90% discount and of course I bought it. It’s so cheap and I really need new sandal. Hehe

Ever heard of Jelly Bunny? I love the scent of this shop, full with sweet scent from their goods. Hmm.. yummy! I never bought anything from this brand and  it’s my first time. Since it’s so cheap I don’t consider myself breaking the shopping rehab. The price of the sandal is the same price of my lunch. More or less the same what to expect it’s 90% discount.

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Hello, Jelly Bunny! Welcome to my shoes rack and I will forgot about your existance in few months more. Haha so beautiful and of course the cheapest sandal I’ve ever bought.

sky high 2

Phewww.. yesterday was the day, not my wedding day but his birthday. I’ve been asking few people what should I do on his birthday, like I have no idea how to make it special and we can reminisce it. I failed. Hmm.. it’s work better when in group and not individual. Nevermind, just spent my day with him even though I annoyed him so much but as long as I can be with him nothing else matter. Too clingy and I need no help I am just fine. Hahaha

No cake, no balloon, no decoration, just a great view of Kuala Lumpur to celebrate his birthday. Where did we go? To the Skybar Traders Hotel. Yeayyy! All I want was a cake for his birthday unfortunately food is not available until 6.00 pm. No cake no problem! He didn’t want it, I asked him several times but no thanks. Fuhh.. lucky me since a slice of cake at Skybar costs Rm20 and above. Hehe stingy fiancée!

I hope that he like it (he forced me to take his picture until he got the best shot to post it on instagram) and sorry I really don’t know how to celebrate your birthday. Later when I am officially your wife then we can travel to anywhere on your birthday.


Anyway, if you guys want to visit this place you can go to Skybar, Level 33, Traders Hotel and you will see an upscale cocktail bar with swimming pool and a great view of Kuala Lumpur. Beverage costs around Rm18 and above, it’s cheaper than Helipad Lounge Bar. Take note please, food is not available during daytime.

Sky high and fly! Happy birthday, Sayang. Sorry for something and thanks for everything! Loveyou